Battle #2

The Three Amigos

vs.

The PowerPuff Girls

Bubbles, Buttercup and Blossom vs. Dusty Bottoms, Lucky Day and Ned Nederlander. This is one of those battles you just don’t want to see. Who can root against sugar and spice and everything nice, but then, who can root against three nice guys who are friends and have a cool entry salute. In the power department, the Power Puff girls definitely have the advantage. Flight, those beam things they shoot, heat breath and cold breath and all that against "heros" that are actually actors. However, in this case, the Three Amigos do have something going for them. Chances are, they wouldn’t even realize they were being threatened and second of all, they have something that can’t be underestimated. Dumb luck. I think how it goes is this.

The PowerPuff girls are patrolling the skies over Townsville when they see the Three Amigos. Since the Three Amigos are dressed in black they wrongfully assume that Dusty, Lucky and Ned are villain.

Blossom: Look, girls. Villains!

Buttercup: Let’s go kick their butts.

Bubbles: But how do we know...

Instantly they attack. However, just as Blossom is about to tackle him,  Dusty leans over to tie his shoe and she smashes into a wall. Buttercup shoots a heat beam at Lucky but he trips and the beam hits the reflective surface of a storefront window and she’s burnt up. Then Bubbles reluctantly tries to sideswipe Ned but Buttercup lands on her.

At this point it’s the Three Amigos turn, however, they are completely unaware of the attack and they merely proceed on their way. The girls ready themselves for another attempt.

Blossom goes after Dusty again. Just as she is about to bash him in the head, he leans over to get a drink of water and again she slams face first into the wall. Lucky goes to jump on a horse, misses the horse and barely avoids the cold breath coming from Buttercup. A mysterious gust of wind blows the cold blast back at Buttercup freezing her solid. Bubbles is mad now, she launches a screaming assault at Ned but the Amigo notices a flower on the ground, reaches down to pick it up, and Bubbles pops into the sidewalk.

Then, in a three-way attack, the girls each fire a beam of energy which hits the Three Amigos oversized belt buckles and multiple rhinestones which reflect them backwards. Blossom’s beam fries Buttercup, Bubbles beam fries Blossom etc. The Amigos all comment on how hot it is outside but they do not remove their hats.

Now the girls are beginning to get a bit discouraged, and a bit tired. This time they plan to coordinate their attack. Blossom rips a chunk of earth from the ground, Buttercup hoists a water tower and Bubbles uproots a tree. Meanwhile, the Three Amigos are mounted on their horses gallantly leaving town. Bubbles swings the tree at Ned, but at the last second his horse trots forward and the tree hits Buttercup spilling the water from the water tower on Blossom and the chunk of Earth which dissolves in her hands into mud. It encases her and her two sisters and they plummet to the ground. As they wearily extract themselves from the ground the Three Amigos ride off into the sunset.

Is enjoying the parks and pools on this very hot summer day . . . unaware that the Powerpuff girls' arch-nemesis, Mojo-Jojo, is hard at work - diabolical work from the looks of it!

Mojo Jojo builds a machine to create a tear in the space-time continuum and force whatever horrors lie within to do his bidding - namely, destroy the Powerpuff girls. When the tear opens . . . nothing seems to happen. Until . . . things in his lab start fly in midair of their own accord. That's right - Mojo pulled the Invisible Swordsman out of harm's way mere seconds before the Three Amigo's bullet would kill him! Mojo Jojo is so happy with his success, he forgets to close the rift and the Three Amigos step thru into a strange, new world. When the Invisible Swordsman turns at the sound of their familiar voices, he accidentally impales himself on his own sword and dies. But . . . nobody really notices.

With his Hypno-ray, Mojo Jojo hypnotizes the Amigos to attack the Powerpuff girls.

Dusty Bottoms, Lucky Day and Ned Nederlander stroll down Townsville's main street on horseback shooting their pistols into the air and threatening the citizens if they don't tell them where "them, thar Powderpuff girls are." The citizens of Townsville run in a panic. That strange, talking dog (with no driving skills to speak of) is trampled by their horses at the footsteps of the mayor's office.

BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ!

"Girls! Come quick!" The mayor cries usher forth from the PowerPuff girl's phone. "They've shot up the town and kidnapped Miss Sara Bellum!"

"We're on our way!" Blossom promises.

The trademark trails of Powerpuff light streak across the sky towards Townsville's Railroad on the outskirts of town. Tumbleweeds lazily streak past the trio as they land in front of Miss Sara Bellum, now tied to the tracks.

"Well, well, well," Lucky Day chuckles, "if it isn't the Powderpuff girls."

The Three Amigos appear from behind a short outcropping.

"Why does everyone get that wrong?"Buttercup yells in frustration. "It's POWER-puff!"

"After we're through with you," Ned Nederlander scoffs, "There'll be nothing left of you but dust - Puffs."

The girls look at each other in confusion at this nonsensical statement.

"Who are you guys?" Blossom asks.

"We are . . . " the three cowboys begin to run through a series of poses, "the Three Amigos! Huuh!"

"Uhm . . . I think we're too young to witness that, guys." Bubbles says, looking down.

"We'll destroy you for the one called . . . Mojo Jojo!" Dusty Bottoms declares.

"Mojo Jojo!" the girls proclaim.

"That explains everything!" Blossom cries out as the fighting begins.

In the end, the PowerPuff girls would win the day and the Three Amigos would only serve as Comic Relief and punching bags and in the end, the Hypnotizing effects would be reversed and Mojo Jojo would be captured. The ending would be something akin to those late 70's, early 80's comic book Hostess ads at the back of each issue but it would involve lemonade and Dusty Bottoms trying to make time with Miss Sara Bellum. The Professor would use Mojo's machine to send the Three Amigos back to their own time and the hypno-ray to make them forget about the future.

Incidentally, the professor would break his leg due to falling over the dead, rotting corpse of the invisible swordsman. When Mojo finally breaks out of prison and reclaims his HQ, he would spend months trying to find out "what that smell" was and many more years trying to get it out.