Canth Clroy

In order to get where I park my car, I have to go on this boardwalk and up these stairs that is alongside a river. The stairs actually extend over the water. A few weeks ago I was going down the stairs to the parking lot and there was this woman in front of me and she reached into her pocket to retrieve something and her keys fell out. They landed on the steps. An inch further forward and they would have fallen into the river. That inch was the difference between a disaster of a day (keys at the bottom of the river) versus an amusing story that’ll come up whenever she’s talking to people about “near misses.”

So today I’m walking back to my car and I’m reading which I tend to do and suddenly I here this “Hey” and I look up and there is this strange almost crazy lady coming at me. Scraggy hair, wild eyes, dirty, no bottom teeth. She starts talking to me and waving some paper in my face and telling me she just got out of prison and she doesn’t know where some street is and she only has a dollar. I just keep walking and she’s like sliding up close to me. She’s smoking an unfiltered cigarette and talking a mile a minute. So, I’m getting a bit weirded out. This is like the fifth time I’ve gotten “approached” like this while walking to my car. Anyway, I tried to kind of “pick her off” by walking really close to a column but that didn’t work at all. She kept going on and on and followed me for like a block and starts talking about money. Then I heard her mention a street name. I said “That street is over there” and she says “Where?” and looks away. I pointed in the direction that the street was again, “Over there” I said and she looks real hard and I ran. I just ran away. 

I kind of feel bad about it but she was really freaky.

You know, people say things like “That’s a whole lot of nothing.” So I am left to ask, can you have more nothing? I think of all things “nothing” is immeasurable. You can’t have quantities of nothing. A lot of nothing, a little nothing, it’s all the same. Seriously. It is.

So I’m flipping through the channels the other night and somehow ended up on Biography and they were doing The Brady Bunch. Aside from the fact some dude said the show’s theme song was as American as the Star Spangled Banner (really) it was almost interesting. So they did this whole thing about how four sets of kids were chosen. Three dark haired boys, three blond boys, three dark haired girls, three blond girls. The sets that got picked would depend on who was cast as the parents. Since Mr. Brady had dark, they chose the dark haired boys. Same with the girls but in reverse. So then they showed a picture of the other kids and it was like “How weird. Those kids could have been the Brady kids.” Then I thought, if they’d picked a blond guy and a dark haired woman they’d of showed the picture of the kids that actually ended up being the Brady kids and I would have said the same thing. Strange how that works out.

So the other day I’m talking to Noocr about how on my way in the building this morning on my way to work there were sirens and stuff. The conversation went like this…

Me: “This morning, on my way into the building, there was all kinds of activity in front of the capitol. There were sirens and everything.” (Guess I covered that, oh well.)
Noocr: “Hmmm…” (He really wasn’t that interested.)
Me: “Yeah, there were fire trucks and then they sent in an ambiance.” (Note, that is what I said, not an ambulance, an ambiance)
Noocr: An ambiance?

This led to an entire conversation about sending in an ambiance whenever something goes wrong. In a way, that works. Since an ambiance is a special atmosphere or mood created by a particular environment (dictionary.com) whenever there is trouble, send in an ambiance. It seemed quite funny to me.

I think we need to find other stuff to talk about.

So tonight Canem is playing some computer game and she comes downstairs with a piece of paper with the following letters written on it “O W B L E.” It’s a word scramble and she’s stumped. So she asks Canca what word those letters could make. The only clue she has is that it’s a body part. Canca looks at the paper for a moment and says, “Well, I think the word is ‘bowel’.” Canem looks confused and Canca explains tactfully what the bowel is for and so Canem runs upstairs to try the word in her computer game. A few minutes later she calls down, “Mom, how do you spell ‘elbow’?”

Never realized elbow and bowel use the same letters.

Continuing from an earlier post:

Haunted Christmas Bear wouldn’t shut up today. He was very haunted today. He even went off when I wasn’t in my office. When I came up to my office some of the people I work with were staring into my office door as he played his little song. They were wondering what the deal was with Haunted Christmas Bear. I explained to them that this wasn’t just a Christmas Bear, it was Haunted Christmas Bear and that he plays the music all on his own. They laughed but it was a patronizing laugh. They think I’m crazy. I’m not… it’s just Haunted Christmas Bear.

Today I drove all over the place looking for a camcorder. Those suckers are expensive. When I went into one of the local electrnics store the guy there tried to sell me on a camera. I was hesitant and he told me to go look elsewhere and then come back. I then remembered this was the same guy that helped me buy a computer a few months ago. He did the exact same thing, sold me on a computer, I was hesitant, he told me to look in other stores and then come back. However, I found it for a better price elsewhere and never came back.

That guy needs a new shtick.

Sometimes I get these strange urges… Yesterday I went to this conference and I was on the second floor. There is this big opening on the second floor sticking up through the opening from the first floor is a gigantic Christmas Tree. As I walked by, I had the urge to leap from the railing around the Christmas tree and grab onto the top of the tree just to see what would happen. I would have been one of those leaping lords from the song. However, I’m not a lord and I didn’t leap so I was neither. Anyway, I’m sure nothing good would have come of it.

I have a haunted Christmas bear. Haunted Christmas Bear is quiet all year and then come late November he spontaneously goes off and plays a tinny version of “We Wish You a Merry Christmas.” Normally to get Haunted Christmas Bear to play his song you have to squeeze his paw. But somehow, even when he’s put away in the drawer, Haunted Christmas Bear knows that its time to start playing his Christmas songs.

Haunted Christmas Bear frightens me.